dear hazel: 2 months

IV

dear hazel,

man, hazel, i’ve got to be honest, you’re closing out this month with a bang. i’ve always been told that weeks 6-9 can be rough with fussiness peaking and man were they right. you seem to be inconsolable at times, especially these past few days and especially in the evening. but things are definitely getting better. you also seem to have forgotten how to put yourself to sleep, so that’s been frustrating. and did i mention spit up? yeah. there have been LOTS of outfit changes and constant washing of burp cloths and bibs.

that’s not to say that there haven’t been bright moments. usually during each feeding you flash me that megawatt smile, which is like fuel to my tired soul; they keep me going. sometimes i check on you during your naps and you look so peaceful and out-of-this-world adorable, i could just swallow you whole.

these past few weeks you have started tracking people, especially me and your dad. you ADORE your dad. while i’m simply your food source, your dad your source of love and calmness.

you’ve grown leaps and bounds these past 4 weeks. you weigh 11.5 lbs and are well into 0-3 month clothes with a couple of your sleepers being a little short.

you’re eyes are still the most gorgeous blue; everyone comments on them. as your great grandma smalley said, “every generation needs to have someone with those eyes.” your hair is also starting to fill in and you’re definitely a blonde, peanut. the two levels of hair that you have going are pretty hilarious.

some of your current favorite things are baths (you LOVE your nightly bath), swaddles, your play mat with the singing birds, car rides, your pacifier (unfortunately. we can thank the hospital stay for that one.), walks in the moby or ergo and your crib, which you’re fully transitioned to.

some of MY favorite things with you are some of the same from above. i love our nightly bath, mainly because it comes at the end of your very fussy period and it makes you SO calm and happy. one of my other favorite things is to kiss the inside of your clammy, often stinky, little hands; they are so sweet and little. i’ve also grown to love our times of nursing together. now that things in that department are running smoothly i can actually sit back, relax and enjoy that (mostly) peaceful time with you. and did i mention that smile of yours? oh and your chunky, meaty, delicious little thighs. as your dad said the other night, “i just want to dip them in bbq sauce!”

as for me? i’m hanging in there. even though you’re a good sleeper for the most part, consistently only getting up once to eat, not having more than 4 hours of straight sleep since march 28 has definitely caught up with me. breastfeeding has made a dramatic turn a positive direction. i am completely healed up, which is a blessing i can’t accurately describe, and we’re doing great as a team. you’ve had some really really really fussy afternoons/nights/days full of spitting up and screaming which have….challenged me. not knowing what you need or want is a level of frustration i’ve never felt. but, i have to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time (your mom has a bad habit of looking too far down the road, asking herself, “what if this is happening when we….”) and to ride it out. your dad (and i) is also on the brink of opening “smalley coffee” so that has consumed what few free moments we have.

your next month holds some big milestones, including your first shots and your first ride on an airplane! hopefully both are fairly painless for both of us.

peace, love, and sleep, my little sweet potato.