dear hazel

I

dear hazel,

today, at 3:26 pm, you were one week old. these past seven days have been lots of things. the highest highs and some pretty low lows, if we’re being honest. bringing you into the world was a joy unlike anything i’ve experienced. in that place of joy i’ve also been overwhelmed (understatement of the century), scared, weepy (dear lord the tears that come out of nowhere) and, most importantly, we’ve fallen so so in love with you. i will never, ever forget the moment in the delivery room when your dad and i were finally left alone with you and he was able to hold you. we both wept the happiest of tears. i’ve never loved your dad more. he’s pretty amazing (there’s no way i would have made it through this first week without him), but i’m sure you realize that already.

we’ve fallen in love with your sweet nose (totally your dad’s), your wrinkly forehead (also your dad’s), your wide wide blue eyes, and your fat little lips. oh and your long, skinny fingers and toes. you already amaze us with the strength in your grip and find ourselves wanting to absorb every moment with you; our new little family. i’m sure it’s killing our family to keep these first fleeting moments semi-private, but we feel it’s best for you and us. and let’s be real, you do little beyond eat and sleep in your cradle.

you’ve been a pretty dreamy baby thus far (i find myself knocking on wood a lot these days). you’re nursing like a professional and slowly you and i are figuring out this great task. since you were born so tiny (5 lbs 11 oz) and lost 4 ounces in the hospital, but today at your weigh in, you clocked in at an astounding 5lbs 15 oz!

while your birth started out quasi-dramatically with my water breaking, things went relatively smoothly and contractions started as soon as we got to the hospital. you decided that you’d rather face the world head on, so while you were head down, you were face up which meant that i experienced the most intense back labor. let’s be real, darling, i’ve never felt anything like it (how could you until you’ve been through it?). it was important to me to have a drug/intervention free birth for you, but at 7.5 cm dilated, i cried uncle. the pain in my back was overwhelming and all-consuming. once i received an epidural (which wasn’t 1/10 as bad as i had it worked up to be in my head–the recovery pain at injection site was far worse), i was fully dilated within the hour. 30 minutes of pushing later you came out screaming and wide-eyed. your wet, skinny, squishy little body was tinier than anyone expected it to be. the nurses even weighed you 5 times because no one believed it you were under 6 lbs.

hazel, i find myself staring at you, wondering what your little voice will sound like, if your hair will stay brown, if you’ll be goofy like your dad… the one thing i know for sure is that you have changed your dad and me, in the best way possible. our love for you has made our love for each other multiply.

we love you to the moon and back, p-nut.

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