VI

dear hazel,

man, child, this month has been a big one for you. your first trip to the beach, you started sleeping through the night fairly consistently, you started laughing (i totally cried tears of joy), you constantly chew on your fingers/hands…i could go on and on. i have spent countless minutes just staring at you in awe of all the new things you’re constantly doing and discovering. it’s pretty amazing.

a lot of parents become sad with every change in clothing size (you’re currently at the very top of 3-6 month), diaper size (3), and new milestone. i’m the opposite, actually. i get so excited for you with every leap and bound. sure i might warmly remember your tiny little self but that feeling is quickly replaced with joy when i now look at you and you look back.

speaking of, i’ve also noticed that when i’m holding you (in that certain way that apparently only i can) and we lock eyes, i can tell you’re really looking at me. i can’t wait to see the thoughts behind those piercing eyes. and, hazel? you’re eyes are pretty unbelievable. i get lost in them.

like i mentioned, you made your first trip to the beach last week! i’d be lying if i said it went super smoothly or it was the best vacation i’ve ever had. you pretty much hated the beach (i can’t blame you, it was super windy and bright) and decided that being in a house with 15 people isn’t exactly your style. you abandoned any sort of good sleep behavior you once knew (one night you had me up every single hour), any sort of eating schedule and didn’t eat well at that. there were definitely some bright moments, though. seeing you and your cousin ainsley together, mostly the two of you just looking at each other trying to figure each other out, was so sweet. you did fairly well on the excruciatingly long drive. by the time we hit louisville on the way home i think we were all wishing we had a private plane to pick us up. it’s all part of it, though, peanut, because before we even had you, we vowed to have a child who travels well and loves adventure as much as your dad and i do.

you continue to grow and grow, little lady. we just had your 4 month checkup and you weighed in at a whopping 15 lbs 10 oz and 25” long. that puts you in the 65th percentile for height and 95th for weight (oops). i adore your rolls to absolutely no end. like really. L-O-V-E. though i will like when you get a neck and cleaning your folds becomes easier.

i keep noticing little bits of your personality come through and it totally kills me. i’ve said from the beginning that i think you’re going to be a goof and that stance hasn’t changed. you laugh and the stupidest things, especially when we snort down in the folds of your neck. man that gets you going. both your grandma and great grandma tend to elicit some pretty good laughs, too.

some of your current favorite things are: anything you can put in your mouth. rattles, sophie, fingers (yours and others…gross). licking; you lick everything. you’ve started really loving being read to, which is fun for me. we also weaned you from your swaddle this month and you’re loving the freedom and cuddling up with your blanket. rompers (or wait, is that just me?). being sung to and singing yourself. me. man you’ve kind of turned into a mamma’s girl this month. you let me know when i leave the room and you can’t see me. while it frustrates me to no end, i try to remind myself that by the time i blink a few times, you’ll be old enough to not want me near.

i’ve been thinking a lot, lately, about what life for you will be like when you grow up. what you’ll be…who you’ll be. with so many nasty things happening in this world, i hope you always find the light in life. light in brightness and also in jovial things. it’s easy to get wrapped up in the dark but i hope you keep the happiness and joy you possess as a baby.

your dad and i are hanging in there. i’ve had some points of frustration this month that pushed me to tears. but, we promise not to quit you, hazel. in return, do you think you could possibly try to not be quite so fussy, especially in the evening? it would really set our world back on its correct axis.

love you forever, butternut,

momma